North To Nepal

Right now I am sitting in the Nirvana Peace Guest House in the pumping heart of the Nepalese capital Kathmandu. To be more precise I am nursing an horrendous whiskey, gin, vodka, beer hangover in the Nirvana Peace Guest House. Somehow I have managed to stumble on a crazy crowd of Spanish, French, Italian, Belgian, Irish and Nepali party animals. After last nights exploits I have realized just how hardcore I am....NOT.......

I have a couple more days in Kathmandu while I collect my VISAs for India and Pakistan. I was hoping to go further north into Tibet and then China proper, but I am finding it very difficult to convince the paranoid Chinese that riding a Nepali registered motorbike into their country would not pose as a security threat. Regardless, I'll head back to the shockingly beautiful lakeside city of Pokhara to see my new pal Rick so we can custom build my yamaha from the bolts up, only then will I know which way my journey will take me.

My travel buddy Jay is now on her 4 day journey back to Bangalore. It was sad to see her go for we had gotten close on the journey north together. Talking about anything and everything on the 2 day sleeper train from Bangalore to Varanasi. We discussed everything from American politics to episodes of Star Trek, from the meaning of life to cultural diversity of different Indian states. It's hard not to get to know someone well when you're trapped facing each other for 2 days solid. On arrival in Varanasi we headed straight for Jays ancestral guest house/temple that caters for her caste, which are the business like Chetans. She is American but with parents originally from Tamel Nadu in Madras. I don't think they were used to having foreigners stay with them but I was greeted warmly and ate with the Babas and other holy pilgrims. I'm not sure if you remember but this was my second visit to the holy city of Varanasi. The first time I decided not to take a dip in the holy Ganges for fear that everyone else's sins would wash off onto me. This time in a moment or two of madness I stepped out of the hired boat and into the water, of course directly after having my head shaved during some holy ritual of offering. Not the smartest thing I have ever done, it was on a par with having my chest waxed 1 day before going to Ibiza, where I swelled up like a plucked chicken. The water at Varanasi is known to be dead now, there is no dissolved oxygen in the water anymore, mainly due to the raw sewage pumped into the water coupled with about 100 dead bodies being dumped in per day. Samples of the river show that the water has 1.5 million faecal coliform bacteria per 10ml of water. In water that is safe for bathing this figure should be less than 500. Nevertheless in I went and did my holy puja and climbed back out. Of course Jay too had her head shaved and after we both got the mandatory massage from the head shaver we paddled across to the Ghat side of the Ganges and made our way to the burning Ghats. We stayed in Varanasi for a couple of days before taking a couple of long haul bus rides north to the Nepal boarder crossing. During the trip Jay brought to my attention that my newly shaven head was swelling up. The muscle ridge around my crown had taken on about 5mm of extra packing, I was looking like a Ferengi or perhaps some kind of novelty Dildo. I could actually feel the tops of my ears touching my head, a very strange and peculiar sensation. This was the last thing I needed for my already sunburnt and over-sensitive scalp. Now it has all gone down and I have a new layer of skin on my head, though I do look like a cross between Marlon Brando, Lex Luther, Gary Glitter and Grant Mitchel. The boarder and immigration between India and Nepal was really non existent, there was no checking and after paying my $30 for my VISA we pressed on to Lumbini the birth place of The Buddha. Jay was now not only an illegal alien in India but now also in Nepal after sneaking in without using her passport. Very naughty. Lumbini was great, a collection of Buddhist temples built by different countries surrounding the actual rock at Buddha was born onto. Of course there have been many Buddhas (just meaning enlightened one), but this fella was the only one who devised a methodology for teaching people to also join his enlightened state. Apparently, there were 30,000 people enlightened around his at this time and this gave rise to the belief system that is known as Buddhism today. The further we traveled away from the boarder it became more and more evident that we were no longer in India, the smells the litter the attitude of the Nepali people was quite different. I was happy to be here. Although we were really at the "wrong" time of year for sight seeing, being in the Monsoon the air was clean and some of the hills could be seen. We headed to Nepals second city, called Pokhara to check out a motorbike dealer ran by an English guy and his Dutch girlfriend. Pokhara is built under the AnnaPurna range of the Himalayas and just on the lakeside of a breath taking stretch of water. After a couple of days discussing with Rick I had gone off the Enfield idea for a Nepal Enfleld suffers an extra 150% TAX on top of the cost of an Indian bike. Also the maintenance on one is shocking, needed to be checked and rechecked each day. Of course riding an Indian one out of India is out of the question for a new law forbids foreigners to take them out. So what to do? Well looks like I will now get a Yamaha 135cc and have it customized so I can make it back in some sort of comfort. Rick has found me a Yamaha which we will rebuild with wider wheels, new suspension, luggage racks and a custom made petrol tank. I was hoping to ride north into China and down into Pakistan through the China/Pak mountain pass, but this looks a little unlikely, though I will certainly try.

I really do love Nepal, I knew I would, I loved the feel of Darjeeling and Sikkim when I visited last November for my trek. The people are honest and friendly and the women pretty and smiling. Kathmandu is really the only city in Nepal the rest of the population being rural and very poor. I have yet to be held up by Moist rebels, which is a shame really I was looking forward to getting my receipt and having chat while they take the $ donation to their cause. The situation here looks like it has calmed down a lot with the guns put away and the Kings power greatly reduced and the Maoists now represented in the government. The King here is universally hated and despised by all. A shame really for the king and Queen before were universally loved and revered by the people. His rise to power is cloaked with great suspicion after the whole royal family were gunned down by the crowned prince who then turned the gun on himself, with the son of the present King being the only survivor. The main conspiracy theory is that the anti American family were murdered by the CIA to put the present King who is pro-American on the throne.
Tonight I will take it a bit more easy as I head out with the gang from Nirvana Peace Guest House, Gwedo the crazy 25yr old bearded Italian eternal traveler may try and drag me into a few bars. This guy became a good friend very quickly, without wanting to sound too gay we hit it off immediately. The second day I saw him he was bare chested, head hung down, long hair and beard and arms stretched out with blood poring down from his head, he really did look the spit of The Christ. In fact he had just slipped on the steps and banged his head. Last night we were treated to a fusion of funk and Nepal beat music. The bongos, flute, guitar, bass, sitar and digiderdo made a crazy combination and really rocked the house. About half way through Cloe the cute French elf like hippy girl flicks out her hidden silver flute and starts jamming adding in what can only be described as mystical-jazz flute to the mix. It was such a good night, I have to tell you. Walking back we were jumped on by a gang of street boys, Gwedo knew them well and they just wanted to play. He has been living in Kathmandu for 4 months and these kids love him. Imagine about 8 boys from the age of 4 to 11, with only each other as their family. They sleep were they can, get what food they can, looking out for each other. The leader/boss is just 11 years old and you can see how much stick together. We played with them, throwing them around like you would normal kids that age, thats all they wanted was some adult play attention rather than being hit or asking for food, brought a tear to my eye.

Moving on (again)

Well, it's that time again. My feet have become itchy, and I don't just mean from the infestation of bed-bugs, that I have still got. My VISA for India expires in a few weeks, so I have taken the opportunity to get my traveling knees oiled again. Yes tomorrow morning at 9am I am on the 50hr train up-north to Varanasi on route to Nepal and Kathmandu. Jay an American girl who finds herself an illegal alien is accompanying me to try and get her VISA sorted as well. I am in a bit of a rush actually for I have quite alot of dillying and a fair bit of dallying left to do before tomorrow morning. Mainly I need to finish this entry, get home for a shower (though I am trapped in the clinic, held hostage by monsoon rain at the moment), then off to the Taj Resedancy ICE bar for a big ex-pat boozethon.
Today I visited the local Jijayanagar post office to fire off some books back home, just in case I don't make my way back to Bangalore before pressing on off to euroland. While in the post office I was reminded exactly why I LOVE this country so much. Where else in the world would you walk into the post office to post book overseas and spend the next hr and a half in the PostMasters office drinking hot chai. I did feel a little bit bad, but only an incey bit about the Q of 200 people who where waiting to get served while we chatted and laughed about the food, family values, the weather, education, my folks, the Kannada language film industry and his children studying over seas. The PostMasterGeneral is all powereful in his domain. He personally modified and crafted a box and packed my books like they were the crown jewels. Today was a really great day, wherever I went I got smiles, head wobbles and pure generosity. This place makes my head hurt sometimes, it's so contradictory. The post office experience was so good that I hardly realized that 3hrs and 50mins had passed, yes that's right it takes nearly 4hrs to post 4 books overseas, and that's with the personal attention of the PostMaster himself. On a down side I have put back on the 6Kg I lost during my 2 week fast, though the last 3Kg I put on in the last week, I think I might have a tapeworm.
Well there is not much more to write. I may be back in Bangalore after I get my VISA, but a voice inside also tells me that once I am "on top of the world" in Shangara-la I may very well carry on into China and to the place where the Mongaloids are from. Who knows.
Bye for now.



Poo, I nearly forgot to do the July Edition of Culture Corner, it's a good job I did it last week so all I have to do is cut and paste.


Culture Corner July 2007
For todays edition of "Culture Corner" I have decided to give you all a concise insight into Indian-English language usage.

Indlish language
In these modern times of American imperialism we are all aware, either actively or sometimes passively of the Americanization of the English language. Of course the laws that govern the development of a language are the very same that assure the development and progression of mother natures creatures, that of evolution and the survival of the fittest. Language mutates, deviates, develops and adapts to its environment. It is dynamic and just follows the natural flow of civilizations and society. I feel it is pointless, fruitless and indeed even naively arrogant and stupid to try and fight this flow. Time would be better spent studying this beautiful law of nature at work. I feel that English is perhaps the most dynamic language to study. I say this mainly because it's the only language I am fluent in and also because I have a certain degree of common sense. It is the most spoken 2nd language of the world.
We are all aware of some of the more dramatic adaptation that popular American culture has imposed on English. Sidewalk = pavement, bad= good, elevator = lift and so on. There are of course many more local variations. Australian English also has its own slant, though I think a lot less serious and more fun/youth based, with less aggression and angst than the American versions. Of course the aussie versions have had far less time to deviate from the original, whatever that was (considering there are hundreds of dialects with in the British isles themselves).
So you may be wondering what the bloody hell am I on about? Why do I not do a blog entry for over a month than start rambling about flavors of English? Well I am coming to my point. I have been exposed to Indian English for over 10 months and and its has slowly dawned on me now unique it is. Only only has it had far less time to deviate from the original, but its development is totally unique when we think about how and why they are speaking English to start with. Firstly, for most it is a second language and sometimes 3 or 4th. But, the Indians that speak English have a full handle and full vocabulary within their own realm. Some of the words are totally unique to the Indian version rather then less used elsewhere. There are a lot of really old fashioned Victorian words still in use, that really tickle me to hear them. In a country where there are over 26 official languages with at least 4-5 semi-different dialects of each language, there is one official national language, Hindi. Oddly, English is rapidly replacing Hindi has the national language. Many English words are spliced into everyday usage, very much like the French use, Shopping and Le weekend and like we use Kindergarten and cul-de-sac and rendez-vous. Most of the shop signs and bill boards here are exclusively in English not Hindi or the state language. I have however noticed that there is no resistance to being Englishised, in fact all school lessons after the age of 10 are in English, so if your child can not speak the language he/she will not progress at school.

So this brings me to my point I feel I mush share. I have decided to start a dictionary for English-English - Indian-English.

I feel it would be useful for anyone coming to visit. The usage of the Indian-English words can be broken into several categories in terms of their evolution.
Firstly, exclusively used words, invented that have been adapted from their own native languages. Then there are some very old Victorian words no longer in use in British English. Thirdly, there are some words that have been established from a basic misunderstanding from some ancient teachers. Then there are some artificially introduced words by the government. Finally a category that eludes even my attentive mind. I have not managed to work out any logical reason for this final category to be in existence.
It also took me many many months to realize that I should not try and correct people using Indian-English. I felt initially that some of the variations where so different that they needed to be fixed. Then I came to slowly realizes that many Indians are not using English to communicate with native English speakers, but amongst each other, from one state to the next, rather than using Hindi.

Words I have managed to translate so far. I have called them Indianisms. If you don't use the Indian version you will not be understood. Also it helps to say the words with your tongue as far back in your mouth as possible. I have started off my English-Indian dictionary of words and popular phrases. Mahesh and Seems and Kiren (Seema's brother) have offered to help me with my latest project, I feel a best seller coming on. A must to accompany the rough guide, to read and digest on the flight over. There is nothing worse than speaking English (especially if you're a euro and using it as a 2nd language) and then not be understood.

If you need the toilet it is best to ask for the Latrine. If you get asked about tiffin, it means a snack or tea-break. This you seen in the train-stations on the window, "tiffin break at 2pm. There is only one other place you are likely to hear the word tiffin, and that in the movie "Carry on up the Kyber". Also they have curds and not yogurt (only heard in the old nursery rhyme "Little miss Muffet"). My favorite Indianism by a long stretch is "eatables" meaning food. This is more common in the south of India than the north. Bikes and scooters are two-wheelers. Cars are four-wheelers.
It's not just the single words, but whole sentences that catch me off guard and I miss a few beats before can work out what is being asked of me. I have had to learn the local English to be understood with more success.


Indianisms

Eatables = Food (Don't take eatables off strangers on the train, they may be drugged)
Latrine = Toilet (Particularly useful in rural areas)
I'll be back in a min = I will go and come
This is because in Kannada (Bangalore language), they can not say I will go and not see you again. So they say I will go and come back. The result in Kannada-English is that they will "go and come"
2 wheeler = Motorbike (government introduced wording)
2 wheeler = Scooter
4 wheeler = Car
Expired = Died (Sadly my wife expired last year)
Curds = Yogurt (old fashioned word)
Tiffin Break (snack) = Tea break (Tiffin break at 2pm)
Current = Electricity (There is no current, following the thrice daily power-cut)
Corn-flakes = Any breakfast cereal
Red colour = Red
Blue colour = Blue
What's that one? = What's that?
Take bath = Have a wash (somewhere down the line bathe has been mixed up with bath). Beware that there is no actual bath, just somewhere to bathe.
Hand-wash = Sink
Cot = Bed
Hotel = Restaurant (if you see a sign that say hotel, it is not a hotel, but somewhere to eat only)
Bed = Mattress
More costlier = Expensive
Petrol bunk = Petrol station
Britisher = British
What is your native place = Where are you from
Your good name Sir = What is your name
Teasing = Taking the piss
Battery = Torch (Particularly rural, for in the villages the only time they have seen a battery it is in a torch)
Reachables = Items within reach
Sugarless = No sugar
Tomorrow = Never
In 15 mins = Next week (if I remember)
Yes no problem = I have already forgotten about it
It pains me = It hurts
I don't relish it = I don't like