Acting and Inaugurations

Hello peeps, quite a long time since my last entry. What have I been doing? Well I have got the clinic website up and running, finished some re-branding (letterheads, mouse mats, business cards etc). Have a look if you like.
www.centreforclassicalhomeopathy.com

Also since I made a sad eyed appeal for funds to continue the rural clinic work I have had an influx of cash donations from family and friends back home. I wanted to gather some money to pay for a car to visit the rural clinics and to provide the people with free treatment. I have been using some of the money already given in order to hire a car for the most arduous journey to Yelandur. Before we had to travel a total of 11 hours in a day on 2-3 over packed, dusty, smelly and roasting hot local buses to reach the clinic and come back home. Then when we add several hours of work on the journey time, I'm sure you can imagine the torture this results in. Now the journey is 3 to 4 hours each way in a hire car with driver. So already saving not just the horrendous pain, but a 6-8 hours in journey time. This means we can leave Bangalore at a more human time in the morning and also arrive home before 9pm. Most importantly for the 3 times we have done already this with donated money, we have been able to see for the first time "all" the waiting patients rather than having to turn many away due to lack of time. The difference is very obvious. As of yet we don't have enough donations for a "dream" car, but it's being saved and hopefully soon we will have enough. I would love to mention all the people, but this is a public blog and don't know how they would feel with names mentioned and besides I'm sure they did not donate for the fame and fortune of being mentioned on my blog. As soon as we have the car deal closed I'll be added a update in the "News" section on the website.
I am thinking of branching out to get funds to expand the work, but one step at a time. When the time is right I will approach some Bangalore businesses with requests for equipment (e.g. laptop, digital camera, video camera), all which are needed for the documentation and research.

Socially, I have also been pretty active. I'm not sure if I mentioned that I joined the Bangalore ex-pats club a few months ago. I have met a pretty cool group of people with different interests and nationalities. Of course drinking and eating and going out is one of the main activities, but there are all sorts of interest groups people have set up recently. One such group I joined was the acting improvisation group. I always thought acting was for pansies, and improv was for pretentious tossers, but I've really enjoyed it. As an off shoot of this the founder, a fella from New York, is shooting a short pilot episode for some film festival in New York. I play one of the 4 main characters, a British bloke called David here in Bangalore with is American-Indian wife. The script is really funny, but we'll have to see how it turns out on the silver screen to see if I am any good at acting, which I'm not too sure I am. Anyway, we are nearly through all the scenes, both indoor and the crazy outdoor ones (walking through the city markets filming with mics' and cameras attracted quite a bit of attention). I have been doing a few different kind of things lately, branching out trying new ideas, but don't worry I've not quite turned into a "lovey" just yet.
I have been visiting art galleries, something I previously thought only ponses and the French did. I have seen some really good photography exhibitions and feel inspired to get a better digital camera and join the BangalorePhotographyClub. Of course in my eagerness to branch out and try new things I did end up at the "Photography Exhibition for the Visually Impaired". Yes that's right photographs taken by blind people. I like to try and keep an open mind, and they were pretty, yes pretty crap. However, I did appreciate the will and motivation behind the concept of doing this, so hats off to them. I went to the second annual film festival on "Water". There were too many films on the state of water and holy rivers to talk about, but really some very shocking ones, even for my northern battle hardened cynicalness.

I have also been rock climbing. I have joined a climbing club at the athletic stadium, where I used their outdoor climbing wall. Good fun and I get full use of the whole stadium for about 5 squid a month. This includes the wall itself, the running track, grass pitch and the gym, perhaps more.

Since my last entry I have also started and finished a "fast". I planed on not eating anything for ten days. The fast is known in the west as "the Lemonade diet", this is because all you can take for a minimum of 10 days is a sugary very well defined drink made of maple syrup, with some pepper and lots of lemon juice. The diet ideally was designed to use fresh sugarcane juice, and in India there are sugarcane venders every few streets. Before I go on it's important to mention that the fast was not a weight loss or starvation diet, but a cleanse diet. Since we have been born we have been digesting food 24/7. The cleanse gives your digestion system a break, a holiday from this work for just 10days. During these 10days your body does a flush out, releasing all the "gunk" inside your guts, with the aid of a litre of salt (isotonic) water each morning (best not to leave the house for the next hour after drinking the salt water, unless you have an adult sized nappy fitted). Because you drink as much sugarcane as you like you don't get hungry, tired, dizzy and cranky. To be honest I never felt better and extended the fast from 10 to 14days. After 14days it took 3 additional days to break the fast in a sensible way. Day one on orange juice, day two on soup and day 3 on broth. Unfortunately, when it came to day 3 I lost my composure and ended up eating about 5kg of chocolate and cheese making myself sick. Now it's been about 2 weeks since I broke the fast and I have only put back on about 1kg of the 6kg I lost. I am now at 70kg. I did miss the social aspect of eating and actually not chewing was a bit odd.
After my body cleanse I have now decided to give a go at cleansing my mind too. For a while I have been looking for something more meaningful to do and live more in the "now", shaking off the access baggage of previous experiences. Funny because no sooner had I decided to do this than I met a new friend that had done a great deal of the leg work for me. Without going into too much detail, if you're interested in seeing the noddy-version of what I mean go hire a video called "the secret". If you find this interesting, I'll point you at something with a bit more meat to get your teeth into.

Because of my fast and because I had been busy I had not had a 'drink" for about a month. Then 3 days ago I went to dinner at some Finish friends and out came some food and drink I'd not experienced in ages. Foreign cheese, pasta, cherry tomatoes, sparkling wine. I almost went into a state of shock. At the end of a very enjoyable evening the hosts pulled out the trump card, a bottle of double-cask 15year old single malt Whisky. Oh MY God........It was fantasclious. I could physically feel my eye balls rolling back in my head and the sensations exploding on my tongue and up the back of my nose. It is true, if you live in the moment and are clear what you need then it will come to you, for within 3 days time I was sat in another friends living room drinking their fine French Cognac. Oh joy.

Right, less about me and more about you. I have decided to start a new section in my blog. Apart from just talking about our favorite subject ME, I have decided write a little extra for each entry on my experiences of Indian life, so to educate YOU, just in case you ever visit the land of wonder and contradiction. I shall call this "Culture Corner".


June 2007: Edition

Culture Corner

Chapter 1: Driving rules
Chapter 2: Inaugurations

Chapter 1: Driving rules.
At first glance you will certainly think the same as everyone else thinks, that the roads and the users are totally devoid of all rules and to ride on a road will result in certain death of worse still a horrendous maiming accident.
Firstly, I need to correct the global misconception that there are no rules. Rules do officially exist, but they are universally ignored. However, in the absence of rules the void has been filled by what can only be termed as a "general understanding of road behavior". The most important understanding is that of the right-of-way. Everyone has the total right of way all of the time, meaning if you think in a supremely selfish way all of the time you will be ok. Of course self preservation during your journey from A to B will inevitably overrule this first understanding. The bigger the vehicle the higher the level of selfishness and untimely more right-of-way you have . Nobody ever ever lets anyone in voluntarily. I have tried a few times (for the sake of maintaining traffic flow on the other side) to let someone in. Instead of the person going for the gap and restoring the flow of traffic, I was sneered at for being so weak and foolish and endangering other road users. NEVER let anyone in, never give way.
This does I realize sound extremely dangerous. I figured there must be something I am missing, some key, some magic rule that would allow thousands of cars and bikes to flow through the citys broken roads each day. How was this possible? How can you possibly keep and eye on all these people? The solutions actually brilliant, it's simple genius. Because there is so much going on right in front of your eyes, it is actually stupid and dangerous to look to your side and suicidal to look behind you. You are responsible for looking right in front of you. If you look to the side or behind you there is a good chance that in the 0.45 seconds gap while you bring your head back around to the front there will have been a drastic change in circumstances and a collision will occur. Now I have had this revelation it all makes perfect sense. Once you understand and observe it you can see it in action, not poetic action, but action still. Many bikes and cars have their wing mirrors removed or bent inwards for removing the temptation is far safer and they to actually get in the way when fitting through tiny gaps between other cars and when trying to avoid pedestrians when riding on the pavements.
I know this not-looking-behind-you business sounds a bit crazy, I agree, but it is true. People join the road without looking over their shoulder. Zipping into the flow of traffic on your motorbike or car without looking sounds beyond crazy. As long as everyone follows the general-understanding there are no collision. I will give an example. of this phenomena in motion.

Event 1: A man on his scooter swings into the flow of traffic, wife and 3 children on the bike, all safe in the knowledge that it is the responsibility of the cars already on the road to be looking out for this and take appropriate action. At no point does he make any attempt to slow down or look at the flow of traffic he just joins as though there are no cars and the road is completely empty.
Event 2: Car driver sees the man swing his scooter into the lane right in front of him and responds by sounding his horn loudly.
Event 3: Man on bike ignores horn for he is desensitized to it and there are 50 other horns blaring over this new one.
Event 4: In order to avoid a collision that would result in the death of the oblivious family, the man in the car abruptly pulls his wheel down hard to the right and swings the car over, his hand continuously on the horn.
Event 5: Using his active Jedi skills a man riding to the right of the car senses that his life is in immediate dangers and because he is unable to move to the right (he is already squeezing between the car and a government bus) he slam his brakes on. The bike driver sounds his horn as he decelerates to give up his space to the larger car.
Event 6: The auto-rickshaw behind the bike that was previously accelerating to avoid being rammed by a heavy good transporter suddenly has to break to avoid tailgating the bike, but also has to swing to the left to fully avoid a collision. The auto driver beeps his horn loudly as he misses the back of the bike by an inch.
Event 7: The jeep driver to the left of the auto accelerates quickly to avoid being hit by the auto and then slams his brakes on to avoid hitting the original car that had moved to the right. The jeep driver (who has a really loud horn) sounds his dominance over the car, signaling for it to move over and give way for him to pass.
Event 8 etc: And so on and so on, continuously.

Now it is important to mention that at no time ever, whatsoever, do any of these people experience any emotions. No one gets angry, not one horn is sounded in aggression or even frustration. It's like a non-contact dodgem race for Vulcans.
I am sure you can imagine what would happen if one of these people where to look to the side or heavens forbid behind them.

Below I given some common driving understandings.
1) You always have the right of way (see clause 2 & 3)
2) The bigger the car the more right of way you have
3) Cows have more of a right of way than you
4) Lane changing at any time is acceptable
5) Sound horn all the time
6) Never look behind you
7) Never look to the side of you
8) When joining main road, just ride ride on without looking. The people on the road will take their own action to avoid hitting you.
9) If someone joins the road right in front of you, take action to avoid a collision. Make no attempt to look anywhere to the side or behind you. People behind or to the side will take their own action to compensate for your actions
10) Never hit a cow, beeping horn more than usual is acceptable
11) If going down a one-way street the wrong way is quicker, then you can go down it
12) Crossing the central reservation to use an vacant lane from the on coming traffic is acceptable
13) Ignore red lights, unless there is a policeman there
14) If you get caught for any traffic violation, then pay police man 50-80Rs bribe
15) Don't bother with helmets unless on highway
16) Don't bother with helmets if you have your family with you (Police men do not seek bribes from a man with a family in tow)
17) Get as many people on your scooter/bike as possible
18) Seat belt do not exist
19) Use horn on any maneuver
20) Use horn to notify your existence
21) Use horn at all other times
22) Use horn just because you feel like it
23) Is the road is gridlocked, then ride your bike on the pavement (keeping eyes forward to look for car sized holes)
24) Special rule for public busses driver: You will not be able to stop at the side of the road because the retarded selfish people will be edging into the road as they see you coming until they fill 70% of the road so to increase their chances of being the first to join the over crowded bus. This will completely stop the flow of the traffic.
25) Hit and run is the mandatory advised action. If involved in a road accident, the police advised you to immediately leave the scene and seek refuge in the nearest police station. This is because if you stay you will be beaten within an inch of your life as the angry mob descends on your car. If your (taxi)driver leaves the car, you are advised to also run, VERY fast. If you are unfortunate enough to be a bus driver and lose control of your bus, then there is a good chance you will be beaten to death or torched while still in the bus, by your passengers. Well you did hold their safety and well-being in your hands and you abused that trust
26) Driving with lights is not necessarily, but if you have them use them, but only if you like
27) If using lights make sure they are on full beam. Remember your visibility is of importance, don't think for a second about the person you are blinding, that's their problem
28) Sound horn all the time
29) Don't go too close to the side of the road for you could hit a pedestrian or fall down a hole. Also you will have less time to react when someone else joins the road without looking
30) If the road is a 2-laner then drive in the middle of both lanes
31) Paint "SOUND HORN OK" on the back of every vehicle to remind the people behind to use their horns at all time

Amazingly, I have never seen an accident, and I have never once seen anyone acting aggressively. The Indian nature of non aggression and non violence baffles me, completely. Road-rage does not exist.
Last month in the evening I got an auto-rickshaw home. Now this auto, I realized had dodgy brakes, and he did not have any lights. However, I was not too concerned for my safely until I realized his horn did not work. I asked him to stop and I got out. It's crazy to ride in an auto without a horn. It's his most important weapon against the other road users, without it he is weak and almost useless to defend you on your journey. An AutoDriver without his horn is like a Samurai without his sword.

Advised behavior for pedestrians
1) Step into road without looking
2) If bike/car is coming it will sound horn to let you know not to step out (no need to look)
3) Walk anywhere, regardless of traffic
4) Don't under any circumstances use the pavement for you will likely
a) Step in someone's "deposit"
b) Fall down a huge hole and die
c) Step in an open sewer
d) Walk into a live power cable that is left from the last unfinished job.
e) Be hit by a 2-wheeler using the pavement
5) If foreign look BOTH ways, there is a high chance that you will be hit by a 3-wheeler auto or scooter coming in the wrong direction.
6) Walk along pavement NEVER looking up. If you look up for longer than 30secs while walking you could step in a "deposit" fall down a hole, fall in an open sewer of walk into an unprotected power line.

Please before you all get worried that I might be dead any day, DON'T worry. Because there are so many cars and bikes etc on the road, the whole flow move pretty slowly and sometime not at all.


Chapter 2: Inaugurations
To be honest I am unsure if I had heard the word inauguration before coming to India. I have tried to think back to the time before I set down in Bombay, before I was overwhelmed by the sensory bombardment that is India. Perhaps I had heard of it but just never paid any attention. Like many "Indianisms" of the English language, perhaps it is just another one of those old-fashined words that has a prominent feature here in this flavor of English. Regardless, it quite a common word in the circles which I move in now. An inauguration is an "opening ceremony" Indian style. The inauguration is possibly the most important piece of the puzzle of any event or new beginning. New libraries and shops are inaugurated. Opening of public events and sporting activities are all inaugurated. The construction of a climbing wall for example and the opening of a conference all can not start without an inauguration. So what's the big deal?
Well it just makes me laugh, the whole system is so overly ceremonial and stiff that is has the atmosphere of being uber- "British". It is steeped in ritual and pomp, to such an extent that it is often the case that more money is spent of the inauguration than the actual construction, or event itself. From a western perspective it is a pointless event, for the inauguration is not even used to promote the new event or construction commercially as an opening ceremony would for a supermarket featuring Les Battersby from Coronation Street. The purpose is purely to honor already rich men with big head and bellies and give them access to more money as they accept the cheque awarded to either Guest of Honor or the Chief Guest. The events I have been to are tedious and boring and would make you cringe and laugh at the same time. I have just reread what I wrote, I don't look very pro-inauguration, ohh dear. On the upside they do provide a meaning if they are combined with a religious Pooja. The date of the inauguration and Pooja are of great importance. A huge book called the Almanac is used to see if the date for the event will be an auspicious one. Rights are performed, bells are rang by a priest and some other rituals are performed that I have not quite got my head around yet (like putting your hand inside a water melon and cracking a coconut with your hand). To summarize the inauguration is for fat old men to slap each other on the back and take it in turns to give each other money and a Pooja is an important blessing of the new place.
When I talked to Katherine and Martin about our different inauguration and Pooja experiences we decided with would be appropriate to perform both on the arrival of Katherines new German Bread Baking Machine. With an International guest list of Americans and Fins the whole event went smoothly and the now we have assured not just quality bread but this bread machine is the most auspiciousness this side of the Ganges. I recored the emotional event on my mobile phone, have a look below.